PetFinder.my

PetFinder.my (https://forums.petfinder.my/index.php)
-   Jokes & Funny Pictures (https://forums.petfinder.my/forumdisplay.php?f=50)
-   -   The truth about cats... (https://forums.petfinder.my/showthread.php?t=4431)

FurKids 06-03-2010 02:26 PM

The truth about cats...
 
THE TRUTH ABOUT CATS...

It is reported that the following edition of the Book of Genesis was discovered in the Dead Seal Scrolls. It sheds light on the question, "Where do pets come from?"

And Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore and am lonesome. It is difficult for me to remember how much you love me." And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you. Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do." And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. God said, "Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG." And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but no one has taught him humility." And God said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not worthy of adoration." And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility. And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And Cat did not care one way or the other.

FurKids 06-03-2010 02:47 PM

Strict, Unbending Rules For Stray Cats ... ahemm!
 
Strict, Unbending Rules For Stray Cats

1. Stray cats will not be fed.

2. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food.

3. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with a little milk.

4. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.

5. Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their permanent residence.

6. Stray cats will not be petted, played with or picked up and cuddled unnecessarily.

7. Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled will absolutely not be given a name.

8. Stray cats with or without a name will not be allowed inside the house at any time.

9. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except at certain times.

10. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except on days ending in "y".

11. Stray cats allowed inside will not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen their claws on the furniture.

12. Stray cats will not be permitted to jump up on, or sharpen claws on the really good furniture.

13. Stray cats will be permitted on all furniture but must sharpen claws on new $114.99 sisal-rope cat-scratching post with three perches.

14. Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors in the sand.

15. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the three-piece, high-impact plastic tray filled with Fresh'n'Sweet kitty litter.

16. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter pan with a three-panel privacy screen and plenty of head room.

17. Stray cats will sleep outside.

18. Stray cats will sleep in the garage.

19. Stray cats will sleep in the house.

20. Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old blanket.

21. Stray cats will sleep in the special Kitty-Komfort-Bed with non-allergenic lambs wool pillow.

22. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.

23. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, except at the foot.

24. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers.

25. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers except at the foot.

26. Stray cats will not play on the desk.

27. Stray cats will not play on the desk near the computer.

FurKids 06-03-2010 02:53 PM

The difference between dogs and cats
 
The Difference Between Dogs And Cats

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... they must be gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a god!

{oh}{oh}{oh}

FurKids 06-03-2010 03:17 PM

Learn a foreign language, guys ....
 
A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them.

The mother mouse goes, "BARK!" and the cat runs away.

"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"

{good}{good}{good}

FurKids 06-08-2010 09:56 AM

Feline Physics Law
 
Law of Cat Inertia

A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

Law of Cat Motion

A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

Law of Cat Magnetism

All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics

Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Stretching

A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Sleeping

All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.

Law of Cat Elongation

A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

Law of Cat Obstruction

A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.

Law of Cat Acceleration

A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

Law of Dinner Table Attendance

Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

Law of Rug Configuration

No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

Law of Obedience Resistance

A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

First Law of Energy Conservation

Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

Second Law of Energy Conservation

Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

Law of Refrigerator Observation

If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

Law of Electric Blanket Attraction

Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

Law of Random Comfort Seeking

A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

Law of Bag/Box Occupancy

All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

Law of Cat Embarrassment

A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

Law of Milk Consumption


A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

Law of Furniture Replacement

A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

Law of Cat Landing

A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid- section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.

Law of Fluid Displacement

A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

Law of Cat Disinterest

A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

Law of Pill Rejection

Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

Law of Cat Composition

A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.


{catlaugh}{catlaugh}{catlaugh}{catlaugh}{catlaugh} {catlaugh}

FurKids 06-08-2010 11:40 AM

Re: The truth about cats...
 
This is not a joke, but simply included in this thread as something interesting that I found:

In 1986, press attache Young Mo Ahn of the Korean embassy in Washington D.C. stated " Koreans have never made a practice of consuming cat meat. There is an old belief among the people that a benevolent spirit resides within cats. Therefore, to harm a cat would be to harm the spirit. Cats are kept by many households and restaurants in Korea to keep rodents under control, and are therefore highly valued. " According to other Koreans, many there have a disdain for cats and could not imagine eating them though they could imagine harming them.

I myself find cats captivating and mesmerising creatures and through the years, I have grown to feel for them deeply, especially the unfortunate strays. I feel a certain bond with them.

June 06-08-2010 12:24 PM

The truth about cats...
 
No joke Bro.my cats open the fridge when the human not around.came back home and saw kepala udang scattered all over the floor {ohmygod}{ohmygod}{ohmygod} There goes our dinner. {ohmygod}

Quote:

Originally Posted by FurKids (Post 82167)
This is not a joke, but simply included in this thread as something interesting that I found:

In 1986, press attache Young Mo Ahn of the Korean embassy in Washington D.C. stated " Koreans have never made a practice of consuming cat meat. There is an old belief among the people that a benevolent spirit resides within cats. Therefore, to harm a cat would be to harm the spirit. Cats are kept by many households and restaurants in Korea to keep rodents under control, and are therefore highly valued. " According to other Koreans, many there have a disdain for cats and could not imagine eating them though they could imagine harming them.

I myself find cats captivating and mesmerising creatures and through the years, I have grown to feel for them deeply, especially the unfortunate strays. I feel a certain bond with them.


FurKids 06-08-2010 03:29 PM

Re: The truth about cats...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by June (Post 82170)
No joke Bro.my cats open the fridge when the human not around.came back home and saw kepala udang scattered all over the floor {ohmygod}{ohmygod}{ohmygod} There goes our dinner. {ohmygod}

Law of Refrigerator Observation

If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.


Looks like we have to amend this law like this:

Law of Refrigerator Observation

If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

However, if no one is home, the cat will have to do the necessary i.e. open the door and help itself.


{catlaugh} {cattongue} {catlaugh} {cattongue} {catlaugh} {cattongue}

FurKids 06-08-2010 03:44 PM

On the first day of creation ...
 
On the first day of creation, God created the cat.

On the second day, God created man to serve the cat.

On the third, God created all the animals of the earth to serve as potential food for the cat.

On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the cat.

On the fifth day, God created the sparkle ball so that the cat might or might not play with it.

On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the cat healthy and the man broke.

On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but he had to scoop the litterbox.


{catwink} {catwink} {catwink}

FurKids 06-08-2010 03:57 PM

Re: The truth about cats...
 
"We humans are indeed fortunate if we happen to be chosen to be owned by a cat."

"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function."

"How we behave toward cats here below determines our status in heaven." - Robert A. Heinlein


"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats." - Colonial American proverb

"Beware of people who dislike cats." - Irish proverb

FurKids 06-08-2010 04:25 PM

Funny Cat Joke #1:
 
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he arrived home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further, and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put the little bastard on the phone, I'm lost and need directions."

FurKids 06-08-2010 04:43 PM

Funny Cat Joke #2:
 
A couple were going out for the evening. They'd got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc....

The taxi arrives and as the couple go out the cat shoots back in. They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty, explains to the taxi driver, .... "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab: "Sorry I took so long," he says,

"stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"

The taxi driver....... ???!!!!@#!@!~#$!#$%!@

FurKids 06-08-2010 04:47 PM

Funny Cat Joke #3:
 
One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to Heaven. There he meets the Lord himself.

The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know."

The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor."

The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to Heaven. Again the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.

The mice answer, "All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?"

The Lord says, "Say no more," and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.

About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him in a deep sleep on the pillow.

The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you arrived?"

The cat stretches and yawns and replies, "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending by are theeeeeeee best!!!"

nurkasih 06-08-2010 09:33 PM

Re: Funny Cat Joke #3:
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by FurKids (Post 82204)
One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to Heaven. There he meets the Lord himself.

The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know."

The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor."

The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to Heaven. Again the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.

The mice answer, "All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?"

The Lord says, "Say no more," and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.

About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him in a deep sleep on the pillow.

The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you arrived?"

The cat stretches and yawns and replies, "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending by are theeeeeeee best!!!"

{catlaugh}

Quote:

Originally Posted by June (Post 82170)
No joke Bro.my cats open the fridge when the human not around.came back home and saw kepala udang scattered all over the floor {ohmygod}{ohmygod}{ohmygod} There goes our dinner. {ohmygod}

Any idea macamana diornag buka pintu kak June.. macam Tom and jerry bukak ker{shy}

June 06-08-2010 11:34 PM

Funny Cat Joke #3:
 
Kami suspect durang tolak dari top fridge coz yg terbuka pintu atas.air batu dlm bekas smp jd cair.mgkn lama sgt pintu fridge terbuka.kiranya ari tu durang pesta mabuk udanglah yg akak dan hubby cadang nak masak utk dinner {shy}

skrg before kuar rmh,akak seal dulu pintu fridge both top and bottom.tak blh percaya kucing zaman skrg ni.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nurkasih (Post 82229)
{catlaugh}



Any idea macamana diornag buka pintu kak June.. macam Tom and jerry bukak ker{shy}


June 06-08-2010 11:37 PM

Funny Cat Joke #2:
 
muahahahahaha!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by FurKids (Post 82203)
A couple were going out for the evening. They'd got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc....

The taxi arrives and as the couple go out the cat shoots back in. They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty, explains to the taxi driver, .... "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab: "Sorry I took so long," he says,

"stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"

The taxi driver....... ???!!!!@#!@!~#$!#$%!@


FurKids 06-09-2010 09:10 AM

Re: Funny Cat Joke #3:
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by June (Post 82234)
Kami suspect durang tolak dari top fridge coz yg terbuka pintu atas.air batu dlm bekas smp jd cair.mgkn lama sgt pintu fridge terbuka.kiranya ari tu durang pesta mabuk udanglah yg akak dan hubby cadang nak masak utk dinner {shy}

skrg before kuar rmh,akak seal dulu pintu fridge both top and bottom.tak blh percaya kucing zaman skrg ni.

Mereka pandai kuis dengan tangan, Nurkasih, I have seen my smart kids do that myself ... memang caught red-handed!

Also, at feeding time and time masuk cage in the evening, when I stack all their food bowls after filling each one with one 10gm scoop of kibbles per person in order to distribute one bowl per cage per person, some smart alec yg belum masuk cage will use dia punyer hidung to topple the top empty bowl I use to cover the bottom filled bowls and start gobbling. Pantas pulak dia gobble, sampai kalau orang lain nampak, they would think that I actually starve them!

Saya pasang aluminium door with mosquito mesh to prevent them entering the kitchen area, but one or two smarter ones will use tangan and claws to kuis the door open. The less smart ones but quick learners and copy-cats will quickly "sekolah" and do the same!

Sooooooo smart la these ppl! {ohmygod}{ohmygod}{ohmygod}

Huh! Kalo anjing, you just put a 2 feet high dog fence depan dia, it will just stand there. You try putting a 10 foot fence in front of a cat, dia siap panjat! {grin}{grin}{grin}

FurKids 06-09-2010 09:17 AM

Re: Funny Cat Joke #3:
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by June (Post 82234)
... .kiranya ari tu durang pesta mabuk udanglah yg akak dan hubby cadang nak masak utk dinner {shy}

skrg before kuar rmh,akak seal dulu pintu fridge both top and bottom.tak blh percaya kucing zaman skrg ni.

Malam tu makan apa pulak, June? Sardin/mackeral dalam tin la tu, eh? {grin}

June 06-09-2010 09:43 AM

Funny Cat Joke #3:
 
Makan nasi goreng dgn telur dadar bro.heheheh!! senang punya menu {shy}

BTW,semalam aku call contractor dtg rmh amik ukuran dan buat apa apa yg patut utk cover or seal rail balcony.skrg Pokemon dah pandai melepaskan diri utk main kat awning bawah balcony {ohmygod}{ohmygod} Once satu ekor kuar dgn cara begitu the rest will follow {ohmygod}{ohmygod} Mesti punya.

Quote:

Originally Posted by FurKids (Post 82255)
Malam tu makan apa pulak, June? Sardin/mackeral dalam tin la tu, eh? {grin}


idasukri 06-21-2010 03:17 PM

Re: The truth about cats...
 
my babies lak, 3 of them, masing2 ada perangai masing2..

abang a bit matured gayanya..diam je..paling suka tido atas lantai meniarap macam org..

adik sgt hyper..ada je benda yg dia jadikan mainan, for the time being, kotak mesin basuh yg i lipat sandar kt dinding..

citang, yg bongsu, paling lambat blajar..abang2 dia sibuk ke dapur bila tiba time makan, dia yg last berkejar ke dapur..xselasak abang2 dia, dia just suka main dgn tangan kita je dari berkejar2 dgn abang2 dia.

yang i paling happy, bila balik dari kje, diorg dengar kita buka grill, diorg siap tunggu depan pintu..kadang2 dengan mata sepet sbb baru terjaga dari tido..


All times are GMT +8. The time now is 02:08 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.