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  #1  
Old 03-15-2009, 11:38 PM
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Default Office Memo

To: All Employees

Dear Staff,

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Lunch Breaks:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Restroom Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet pater roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offender” category.

Surgery:
As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week.

The Management
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  #2  
Old 03-16-2009, 08:40 AM
June June is offline
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Default Office Memo

muahahahahaha!! Number 2 and Number 4 sound like my previous mean boss,Serge Huber. Glad I'm no longer working with him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by blackie007 View Post
To: All Employees

Dear Staff,

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Lunch Breaks:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Restroom Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet pater roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offender” category.

Surgery:
As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week.

The Management
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  #3  
Old 03-16-2009, 11:16 AM
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blackie007 blackie007 is offline
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Default Re: Office Memo

i hope he didn't make the toilet roll retract & the stall door open after 3 mins?

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Originally Posted by June View Post
muahahahahaha!! Number 2 and Number 4 sound like my previous mean boss,Serge Huber. Glad I'm no longer working with him.
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  #4  
Old 03-16-2009, 11:57 AM
June June is offline
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Default Office Memo

hahahahahah!! not that onelah.Personal Day & Sick Day.


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Originally Posted by blackie007 View Post
i hope he didn't make the toilet roll retract & the stall door open after 3 mins?
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  #5  
Old 03-16-2009, 03:40 PM
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blackie007 blackie007 is offline
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Default Re: Office Memo

oh, no. 1 & no. 3. he must have got u so upset that u got mixed-up here when u remembered your awful time working for him.

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hahahahahah!! not that onelah.Personal Day & Sick Day.
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  #6  
Old 03-16-2009, 08:14 PM
June June is offline
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ya lor!! Remember the crazy gwai lo angry with me when I have to MC for 2 mths due to my fracture ankle?? He was the one lah. Now,if i see him fro a far,I quickly hide. Malaslah want to say hello to him.

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Originally Posted by blackie007 View Post
oh, no. 1 & no. 3. he must have got u so upset that u got mixed-up here when u remembered your awful time working for him.
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  #7  
Old 03-16-2009, 09:07 PM
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Default Re: Office Memo

hahaha, if i were u, i'll go up to him and say, "oh hi, i thought u might like to know my career has taken off to higher ground now that I have left u stupid a*****e."

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Originally Posted by June View Post
ya lor!! Remember the crazy gwai lo angry with me when I have to MC for 2 mths due to my fracture ankle?? He was the one lah. Now,if i see him fro a far,I quickly hide. Malaslah want to say hello to him.
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  #8  
Old 03-16-2009, 11:11 PM
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Default Re: Office Memo

Wahhh...
What a crazy company!
Even if they offered me 1million salary also I won't work with them...
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  #9  
Old 03-16-2009, 11:49 PM
June June is offline
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heheheheh!! i have that thought also.But I get somebody else to do the job. He knows I'm doing well with current company. But another good news, (sometimes I call their office just kaypoh kaypoh,because my friend still working there) he has been demoted.wakakakakakakak!! they get another gwai lo from Bangkok head office to replace him.Now he is just another manager

Quote:
Originally Posted by blackie007 View Post
hahaha, if i were u, i'll go up to him and say, "oh hi, i thought u might like to know my career has taken off to higher ground now that I have left u stupid a*****e."
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  #10  
Old 03-17-2009, 12:01 AM
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Default Re: Office Memo

WHAT!!!!!!! he got demoted? hahahaha!!! wah, and he stays around to be just another manager & reports to another gwai lo from bangkok?


Quote:
Originally Posted by June View Post
heheheheh!! i have that thought also.But I get somebody else to do the job. He knows I'm doing well with current company. But another good news, (sometimes I call their office just kaypoh kaypoh,because my friend still working there) he has been demoted.wakakakakakakak!! they get another gwai lo from Bangkok head office to replace him.Now he is just another manager
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  #11  
Old 03-17-2009, 01:39 PM
June June is offline
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yep!! he is lucky the Big Boss in Bangkok didn't terminate him. still got the job though he has to report to another gwai lo.I saw him before Christmas at the 4 junction traffic light in Bkt Bintang. He was walking with another gwai lo (dunno who,but the guy looks very young).He looks very thin ler.lose weight.heheheh!! must be very stress after the demotion

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Originally Posted by blackie007 View Post
WHAT!!!!!!! he got demoted? hahahaha!!! wah, and he stays around to be just another manager & reports to another gwai lo from bangkok?
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  #12  
Old 03-17-2009, 03:05 PM
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blackie007 blackie007 is offline
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Default Re: Office Memo

probably he had to switch to friskies cat food after demotion.....i'm sure he can no longer afford to eat what he used to after demotion, unless the Big Boss was nice enuf to let him keep the huge salary.

Quote:
Originally Posted by June View Post
yep!! he is lucky the Big Boss in Bangkok didn't terminate him. still got the job though he has to report to another gwai lo.I saw him before Christmas at the 4 junction traffic light in Bkt Bintang. He was walking with another gwai lo (dunno who,but the guy looks very young).He looks very thin ler.lose weight.heheheh!! must be very stress after the demotion
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  #13  
Old 03-18-2009, 11:19 AM
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Default Re: Office Memo

We all have our share of stories of evil bosses from hell!
:)))))))
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  #14  
Old 03-18-2009, 11:30 AM
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blackie007 blackie007 is offline
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Default Re: Office Memo

yup, bina. so let's tell those evil bosses to go penetrate themselves. oops....

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Originally Posted by sillylupie View Post
We all have our share of stories of evil bosses from hell!
:)))))))
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  #15  
Old 04-20-2009, 03:08 PM
BellXun BellXun is offline
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Default Re: Office Memo

Quote:
Originally Posted by blackie007 View Post
yup, bina. so let's tell those evil bosses to go penetrate themselves. oops....
LOLS ... "penetrate" themselves. LOL thats funny!!. hahahhahahaa.

Good one.

I havent had a share of Evil Boss stories yet, coz i am still fresh. Hope I get it(the shits) soon YAY!. Cant wait.

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  #16  
Old 04-20-2009, 03:15 PM
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blackie007 blackie007 is offline
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Default Re: Office Memo

What? you can't wait to tell the bosses to go penetrate themselves?

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Originally Posted by BellXun View Post
LOLS ... "penetrate" themselves. LOL thats funny!!. hahahhahahaa.

Good one.

I havent had a share of Evil Boss stories yet, coz i am still fresh. Hope I get it(the shits) soon YAY!. Cant wait.

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