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  #1  
Old 09-03-2008, 01:11 PM
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lynielime lynielime is offline
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Default Excerpts from a Diary...

A friend emailed this hilarious joke to me.. i read it at work and laughed till i cried.. since i have both cats and dogs i could really appreciate this!! enjoy!

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary*

8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary*

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre,
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other
inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my
contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something
in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my
dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the
carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I
had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.

Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed
in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could
hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due
to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how
to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems
to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
safe, for now..........
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Old 09-03-2008, 01:20 PM
Ferreted Ferreted is offline
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Default Re: Excerpts from a Diary...

MUAHAHAW! ya lor.. kinda like that! "The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded" < my favorite part and "My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe, for now.." hehehe.

GOOD ONE LYNIE!
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Old 09-03-2008, 07:35 PM
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Default Re: Excerpts from a Diary...

hahahaha!!! good one, lynie. this one, especially, made me burst out laughing.....<My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre, little dangling objects.> i have this 'bizarre, little dangling objects' at home, haahahhaaha!!
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Old 09-03-2008, 08:37 PM
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Default Re: Excerpts from a Diary...

Quote:
Originally Posted by blackie007 View Post
hahahaha!!! good one, lynie. this one, especially, made me burst out laughing.....<My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre, little dangling objects.> i have this 'bizarre, little dangling objects' at home, haahahhaaha!!
I have the bizarre dangling objects too! And sometimes if my cats are too lazy to play i will play with the dangling things myself to encourage them to exercise.. Now i feel a bit stupid. Hahaha
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Old 09-04-2008, 02:33 PM
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Default Re: Excerpts from a Diary...

Quote:
Originally Posted by lynielime View Post
I have the bizarre dangling objects too! And sometimes if my cats are too lazy to play i will play with the dangling things myself to encourage them to exercise.. Now i feel a bit stupid. Hahaha
that makes 2 of us, then........hahahha....maybe that's why my cat sometimes looks at me with disdain, like, he's the mature one and i'm the crazy one....hahahaha.
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Old 09-04-2008, 09:21 PM
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Default Re: Excerpts from a Diary...

eheheh.....my cats also look t me one kind when i play with them... ehehe
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Old 09-05-2008, 09:13 PM
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BabyZee BabyZee is offline
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Default Re: Excerpts from a Diary...

erk...
sorry..
i'm very2 speechless...
i hope my babies doesn't have this kind of diary...
eh, maybe they're blogging...that's the new 'diary' now...
that's why sometimes i see my lappie all cover with furs...
hmmmm...
i better check blogspot then...
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Old 09-12-2008, 05:38 AM
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Default Re: Excerpts from a Diary...

Quote:
Originally Posted by lynielime View Post
I have the bizarre dangling objects too! And sometimes if my cats are too lazy to play i will play with the dangling things myself to encourage them to exercise.. Now i feel a bit stupid. Hahaha

Nice one! Little dangling object.....
which reminds me ......I have to buy a new one.
The current has been destroyed by my yaya....
didnt know they dont like it. Ha ha ha
and they think its stupid?
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